THERE'S GONNA BE HILL TO PAY

Dear Readers,


If memory serves, it was Jennifer Aniston who said " keep your friends close, but keep your enemies in a cabinet or something...err...whatever..." - sound advice from a TV star. Now, it seems, President Obama is considering taking that advice by naming his former rival for the Democratic nomination, Hillary Rodman Clinton, as his Secretary of State in the new administration.
Sounds like a reasonable move, right? Hardly anyone else is as well-known around the globe as Mrs. Clinton and it could be a smooth move to placate her "pantsuit brigade" who Obama has not yet quite won over. While I think she'd do an OK job, she would come into office with a pretty toxic asset - her husband, Bill Clinton.
The 42nd President's reputation took a nosedive during the recent campaign because of his belligerent campaigning style and whispers of shady dealings concerning some of his pet projects, like The William B.J. Clinton Presidential Lieberry & Cigar Parlor.
Contributions from shady zillionaires with dubious international reputations, suspected illegal arms merchants and Michael Jackson impersonators have cast a cloud on the project that would not only house his personal papers, White House files and discarded interns, but would provide an awesome hangout for him and his aging, juvenile, high-flying buddies. How can Hillary do secretary-of-stating with such distractions? Also, Bill's activities during the primary season certainly brought no benefit to her historic campaign. Shenanigans like beating to a pulp reporters asking fluff questions, keying opponents' campaign buses and chronically parking his party-sized stretch limo in handicapped spaces paled in comparison to his infamous leaping up on to the stage at a debate in New Hampshire and placing John Edwards in a painful headlock after a sharp exchange of views with Hillary. How would such antics go down in, say, The Middle East? Whether or not she gets the job, I think she needs to get away from Bill anyway. He's like a spent booster rocket and needs to be jettisoned now that the payload has achieved orbit.
Hillary has baggage, too. During her Presidential campaign, she raised One Trillion Dollars in contributions, yet ended her quest nearly $50,000,000,000 in debt. She showed no knack for management and went through money like a drunken sailor (or a sober Wall Street tycoon) on liberty in Shanghai. She spent it like water - in fact, she spent an incredible $360 million ON water! (The Poland Springs plant in Bangor, Maine was on three shifts from July, 2007 through June, 2008 just to supply her account). The stories of other excesses are the stuff of legend, like color co-ordinated pantsuits with real strings of pearls bought new every day for each of the 105,000 women and men on her staff (it makes Sarah Palin's measly $150,000 department store raid look like a quick trip to Family Dollar). This buying spree was finally brought to a halt in late April by cash flow and credit problems and by chief aide Harold Ickes' absolute refusal to wear mis-matched earrings and pumps. Then there was the disastrous scheme of giving $1,500,000 New York City apartments to contributors who donated up to the legal maximum limit of $2,300. It's fortunate for this country that Mr. Obama is not considering her for Treasury Secretary.
The upside is that Mrs. Clinton is a known quantity and her husband's squalid doings are really not surprising anymore. Also, the two of them would suck up an awful lot of tabloid ink that might be used to investigate other cabinet members. Team Obama has asked all prospective cabinet members to fill out a 63-question disclosure form in order to expose any potential vulnerabilities or scandals that might damage the image of the new administration. I hear that the Clintons have been provided with a special form that has 2,845 questions - plus an essay - which considering how complicated their affairs are, should take about four years to fill out. Smart guy, Obama.
Even in Washington, D.C., the laws of physics apply and the kettle at Foggy Bottom should be reaching boiling point right about now. Because somewhere, it's 4 o'clock, and time for some tea.