CD REVIEW - "FEELINGS" BY OSAMA

Dear Readers,

The mystery that surrounds world terrorist Osama Bin-Liner deepened this week with the surprising release of his new CD "Feelings". The world's most wanted man takes on the Billboard charts with this collection of 12 tracks, covering some of music's most treacly ballads. (There are two bonus tracks that rock out a little bit -Joni Mitchell's Big Yellow Taxi and Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit). Curious as to what inspired this collection, I sent out a Tea With S.B. reporter to try and locate someone, anyone associated with the project. Fortunately, we were able to talk with the person who designed the cover, Jasper Maskeliner, a painter, sculptor, musician, filmaker, writer-actor, singer, dancer, poet and postal worker. Here's the interview:

TWSB: How were you approached to design the cover?

JM: A mutual friend of ours, Phil Spectator, said he was producing Osama's new album - Phil still insists on calling them albums, by the way, as he explained while holding a gun to my head - and said since it was bound to be controversial, he didn't want anything too flashy or cutting-edge or artistic for the cover, so naturally, he thought of me.

TWSB: So did you work with Bin-Liner directly, or was it...

JM: Oh no, I didn't meet with Osama -as he prefers to be called now - I felt it would compromise my graphic vision for the cover if I got too close to the artist himself. I do have a signed copy, of course.

TWSB: Of course. Was there any pressure on you to make changes once you had come up with a concept? Did Phil exert any influence?

JM: Absolutely not. I was a bit concerned about stirring up any extra controversy though, as I felt that Mr. Osama, in spite of no new product for several years, was still a fairly radioactive property. And I also was mindful that he had the power to pronounce a dirty great fatwah on my ass. So, I was careful.

TWSB: Do you think he was pleased with the cover?

JM: I hope so, as he did send me a signed copy of the CD. But to be on the safe side, I am going into the Government's witness-protection program next Thursday. They said they were going to send me to someplace called 'Guantanamo Bay'. Ever hear of it?

TWSB: Uhh, no. Let's turn to the music. Did you listen to the CD while you were designing the cover?

JM: Well, I did at first, but the background sound of a distressed goat on 'Walkin' My Baby Back Home' upset me a bit. I don't know what was going on there, but I'm sure Mr. Spectator

knew what he was doing, as he's a genius of a producer. I found it much easier to get on with my work by listening to Leonard Nimoy listening to 'The World's Favorite Ring Tones', a great album. It's on all my I-plods.

TWSB: So, do you have any other CD covers in the works?

JM: No.

TWSB: Well, thank you for this interview.

JM: That's OK. Could you hear me all right through this burka?