IT'S OFFICIAL: LENNON IN HEAVEN

Dear Readers,
Just in case you haven't heard yet, The Vatican has announced that they have forgiven dead ex-living person, John Lennon, for his 1966 remarks about The Beatles being more popular than Jesus. This can only mean that our John has been released from his stay in Hell that has lasted almost 28 years and has quickly been re-assigned to Heaven. Lennon could not be reached for comment but we presume he is well pleased with the new arrangement, as it's hoped that he will now have access to at least one musical instrument, the Harp.
It's not known who originated the idea to forgive, but my sources tell me that Pope 'Eggs' Benedict is a huge Beatle fan and has been following their career since he first saw them in Hamburg in 1961. People close to the situation say that the Pontiff wanted to add a rider to the forgiveness document that would also absolve the group for breaking up in 1970, but that would have caused further discussion and delay and he was keen to get Lennon out of Hell ASAP.
It's believed that this edict will pave the way for further forgiveness orders that are said to be pending for Marilyn Manson, Sinead O'Connor and The Jonas Brothers, but it's certain that they will all have to die first and spend some time in Hades before any official statement can be issued.
Anyway, enjoy the new wings, and 'Imagine there's no Heaven' no longer, Mr. L!