WORDS ON "THE STREET"

Dear Readers,

One year on from the collapse of Lehman Brothers and we're all a lot sadder and wiser about the economy. Some of us are also a lot more familiar with the insider lingo of the brokers and traders who, like workers in every specialized field of endeavor, have their own unique phrases and shorthand. To me, one of the most interesting ones out of Wall Street was "Taking A Haircut", which seems to have two meanings - 1. The difference between prices at which a market maker can buy and sell a security, and 2. The percentage by which an asset's market value is reduced for the purpose of calculating capital requirement, margin and collateral levels. Even though I've heard that one a lot this past year, I'm still not exactly sure what it means, in spite of the explanation proffered here. So I wondered if there were any other Wall Street-type expressions using references to personal grooming that might be shorthand for the unexplainable, and -yes there are. And here are a few that I've discovered over the last several months:

1. Cleaning Out Belly-Button Lint - The shredding or otherwise destroying damning or compromising documents that might cause problems with a pending SEC investigation.

2. Putting On False Eyelashes - When a senior-level executive sees red flags and other inconsistencies in a dubious financial product created by his group, but ignores his instincts, and approves the scheme.

3. Irrigating An Ear Canal - When a senior executive finally 'hears' that he can no longer get away with or sustain the fiction that a financial product has any worth.

4. Lasering Off A Tattoo - This has two meanings: 1. When a brokerage realizes that the name of the firm has been discredited to the point where it must be changed. 2. When the board of directors can no longer afford to employ the founder's incompetent eldest son.

5. Using Depilatory - Dismissing an entire department of traders and brokers who can be easily blamed for the risky products and slack moral scruples that has give the company a bad name.

6. Taking A Shave - Less financially damaging than "Taking A Haircut", it involves dumping toxic assets onto the taxpayers while grudgingly accepting handouts from the Federal Government.

7. Getting A Nipple Pierced - An executive 'losing' the year-end bonus, only to have it included as part of his base-pay contract later on, often producing 'crocodile' tears when confronted with the fact by an outraged public.