CAROLINE, NO

Dear Readers,
Politics is not an arena for the faint of heart and New York State politics is an arena where it's best to not have a heart. So it was with a certain amount of bemusement that I began to notice that famous nice-lady, Caroline Kennedy, was undertaking a whirlwind tour of New York State this past week to tout herself as the replacement in the U.S. Senate for the soon-to-be-kicked-upstairs incumbent, Hillary Clinton.
For people of a certain age, Caroline will be - in perpetuity - the cute little six-year old daughter of President John F. Kennedy, and all that she has done in the intervening years between 1963 and 2008 matters not a whit to the average person. Marrying Mr. Schlossberg and creating a lot of new, little Schlossbergs, plus all the charity work and fund-raising has not exactly burned itself in the public mind, as beneficial as it might all be. Chiefly, she is known by most people as the sister of People Magazine's 1988 'Hunk Of The Year', dimwit scion of the JFK mantle and editor of a now-defunct, pointless vanity magazine, the late, dead John-John, Jr.
Once known as 'America's Royal Family', the Kennedys have multiplied out of all proportion and have seen several of their members in and out of political office since the arrival on the scene of the 'three brothers', John F., Robert F., and the Shemp of the trio, Teddy. But aside from the originals, the next waves of elected family pols have been more notable for their appearances in police blotters and rehab centers than for championing any great issue or legislation. The grandchildren of the defeatist anti-Semite head of the family, Joseph P. Kennedy, have done far better outside elected office. They have been of some benefit to the nation in the private sector, running environmental and energy-assistance non-profits, while keeping up the family traditions of inebriation and adultery.
Caroline, however, has pretty much avoided the limelight, stayed free of scandal and has worked quietly behind the scenes effectively promoting her pet projects. But now, she has suddenly developed an interest in the U.S. Senate, and has begun to openly campaign for a job that only one person has the power to grant - The Governor of New York, David Patterson.
She's making it look like her selection is now a fait accompli by running around 'introducing' herself to a state she has barely seen, except for a 12-block radius around her Park Avenue apartment. Patterson, who is a dyed-in-the-wool New York political creature, was going to make some enemies no matter who he picked, but if he doesn't pick Caroline now, he's going to wish that he'd been caught out with a high-priced hooker instead of his nerdy weirdo predecessor, Eliot Schvitzer.
My question is why would Caroline even want to be a Senator? Why join that pack of gormless, fame-hunting, fortune-seeking mish-mash of scary clowns known collectively as the U.S. Senate? She's already famous, already rich and doesn't have to see her life story played out on the front pages of the newspapers every day. The seat she seeks has been used as a springboard to a try for the Presidency once or twice, but it's an office usually held by hard-core policy wonks (Moynahan, Schumer, Javits) who would rather attend a subcommittee hearing on recycled-concrete storage facilities planned for the Buffalo suburbs than fanny around with socialites and film stars. I recall a memorable photo of Hillary, during her early days in the Senate, that appeared on the front page of The New York Post. She's shown, sitting in a Senate committee hearing, looking like she was about to slip into a profound coma, she was so bored. Do you want an image like that on your resume Ms. Kennedy?
Maybe she's intending to park herself in the Senate for eight years, then take a stab at the White House in 2016. If that's her plan, she'd better hope that Hillary doesn't get wind of it. Having sweated out Sarah Palin's historic run that would have made her the first woman elected on a national ticket, she's not going to watch the next shot go to some broad who got where she was because of her last name. No siree. So, did Caroline catch 'presidential fever' while campaigning for Obama? Is this what it's all about?
My advice to Ms. Kennedy is to get out of the way and let a real New York sleazeball get the job, someone who will really work hard to get that bridge to nowhere in Schenectady funded, who will be happy to make sure a wind farm doesn't get built within 100 miles of a rich campaign donor's lakeside mansion, and who won't bat an eyelash when some lobbyist slips a fat wad of $100's under the table to insure the death of a bill to regulate upstate toxic-waste dumping. Getting into politics now, Caroline, would harm your reputation, like all those awful films Shirley Temple made after she hit puberty did hers. Your himbo brother nosedived into the Atlantic for no clear reason, (probably because he realized that you were the smart one) so please, Caroline, don't do your own nosedive. Let us remember you the way you were - a cute, bit player on the good ship Camelot.
At least I'm smart enough to know that I need a nice hot drink on this cold Winter solstice, so I am announcing that I will put the kettle on, because somewhere, it's about 4 o'clock, signalling that it's time for some tea.