HAVEN HELP US

Dear Readers,
Once the incoming President has settled into office, it seems that the closing of the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuber, will be closed. This limbo-land of terrorist suspects, safe from the precepts of the U.S. Constitution, has been a forgotten embarrassment to most Americans, falling somewhere between Abu Ghrab and the latest Tom Cruise movie, Valkerie. On one hand, I will be glad to see this shameful 'Cheney City' go, but on the other, it seems wasteful, considering how much money has been poured into it over the years.
But the money spent on 'Club Gitmo' pales in comparison with the money handed out to the mega-banks of America. It looks like a further $350 Billion dollars is going to be used to bail out the big banks, and no one bats an eyelid. I can't believe the luck of these corporate crooks, for on the very day that a congressional report comes out revealing that huge mega-muckety-muck institutions like Citigroup, Bank Of America and Morgan Stanley, among others, have billion$ in assets tucked away in tax-free ,offshore businesses, a US Air jet does a three-point belly-flop on the Hudson river, a miraculous deliverance for 155 lucky souls. So while we marvel at wall-to-wall coverage of the feel-good story of the century, corporate perfidy on an unimaginable scale is scarcely noticed.
I feel bad, though, for poor Bernard 'Super-Ponzi' Madoff, because he probably missed seeing the airplane-landing spectacular from his $7-million gilded prison. In a life full of good fortune, he probably couldn't see a thing from his penthouse, as it's on the wrong side of Manhattan Island to get much of a view of the Hudson River. He did have a good week, however, as his bail was continued - much to the chagrin of the prosecutors - with only a few, new restrictions to his house 'arrest'. Apparently, he will have to limit himself to domestic Champagne only and he'll be limited to one vote a week for the new American Idol. Hard time.
So, with all this corporate crime happening in broad daylight, we do have some good news. First, the Bush-Cheney years are nearly over, (albeit leaving the nation in a twisted wreck) and a genuinely smart good-guy is taking over. But President Obama has a mountain in front of him that makes Mohammad's look like a mole-hill built by mice.
Now I'm a near - complete boob when it comes to understanding the economy, but the situation, as I see it, is that our country is borrowing money from the Chinese, which we, as taxpayers will have to pay back eventually, so the US Government can give it to the big banks (with no strings attached) so that they can turn around and lend it back to us - at a nice profit - so we can return to our buying spree of products, mostly made in China, in order to preserve jobs and harmony in America. No wonder people shove impossible-to-fathom news aside to marvel at a jet-rescue story. You can understand that. Disaster - deliverance - hero - applause.
But maybe we could put the economic follies in a more populist light by using hard-won knowledge and existing infrastructure. Let's face it, people in banking need a stiff dose of reality, and there ought to be some kind of punishment meted out for their recklessness, wouldn't you agree? So, maybe as a condition of continuing the cash gravy-train to the banks, we rounded up, say 155 bank executives at random (in finance, everyone is guilty of something) and flew them to Guantanamo Bay, landing, not at the airstrip, but in the bay itself! After all, that US Air captain has proved it's possible, right? Then, once they've been picked up in the water by a group of freelance escapees from Cuber on rafts, they're taken to the cells at Club Gitmo for, say 30 days of contemplation. No charges would be filed - just like the detainees already there - just a precautionary detention, so they couldn't potentially wreak any further terrorism on the citizens of the US. This could be done on a rotating basis, until the economic crisis has passed, and things are back to normal again(no waterboarding, of course. heh-heh). Naturally, the guy in charge would be Mr. Madoff. He could be given a free hand to finance the 'detention center' in any way he seems appropriate - perhaps a new hedge fund financed by the bank executive-detainees, eh? We could teach these villains a lesson at no charge to the taxpayer, other than the Marine guards on Gitmo, who would be there anyway. Let the financial scoundrels have a go at the resident terrorist suspects, too. They can them teach them their slick economic schemes, then, release the terror suspects back to their home countries, and let them bring hostile governments to their knees, financially, with their newly-learned economic terror-techniques. Now that makes the prison at Guantanamo an offshore asset worth having.
I know my plan is a fantasy, but at least I still have a real kettle, an object I bought myself without government guarantees. I need it, so I can have a nice brew-up. 'Cause even at Club Gitmo, it's sometimes 4 o'clock, and I would allow plenty of time for a civilizing cup of tea.