IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST...

Dear Readers,

Well, it's time to bite the bullet and admit defeat. No, I'm not talking about Washington politics or the Health Care Bill, I'm talking about this blog.

Yes, like 99% of all blogs out there, this one has been almost universally ignored and will now become just another 'zombie blog'. Perhaps the only difference is that I'm saying it openly, leaving no doubt to those in future who might miraculously stumble upon my leavings, and wonder why there hasn't been any new posts in the last 2 years. I say this without bitterness, only a mild regret that I wasn't able to figure out a way of making it relevant.

I suppose that, to be a well-read, interesting or even a useful blog, there has to be a central purpose behind it, making it something that people might turn to from time to time. A particular point of view, a specialist advice forum, some real and original gossip, some inside information on the how-tos and wherewithal's, a multimedia spectacular - these and other aspects of blogging probably account for the majority of successful blogs, and often help their authors actually make money with them, to one degree or another. But not me. My freewheeling olio of humor, commentary, short stories and general complaints about society have unsurprisingly made no mark, tickled no fancies or had the least little impact on the information super-highway.

I had originally thought that feedback - should I have gotten any that was helpful - might lead me to find a unifying theme for this blog. But the miserably few comments that I accumulated from 18 months or writing came mostly from people far more disturbed than myself, some, I might say, obviously in desperate need of professional help. Having no degree in the healing arts, I could offer nothing in the way of succor.

I leave this genre of public exposure to a generation that constantly stares at it's smart phones, looking for everything and anything except this blog. If there is anybody I have hurt, offended, angered or libelled in my brief life as a blogger, I am truly sorry. But knowing that my readership habitually struggled to achieve numbers in the low single-digits, I doubt such a declaration is necessary, but I give it anyway. I promise that I will not take any revenge for this dismal failure upon myself or society, I'll just write it off as one of those great ideas that fell far short of ideal. I'll keep this zombie on-line for a while, I guess, though I doubt I will ever bother to post again. The sound of one hand clapping was just too deafening for me.

So, thank you and enjoy the rest of your lives, Dear Readers.

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SMOKE ON THE WATER

Dear Readers,

Does anyone else think that, with all the technology typified by Facebook, Twitter, I-Phone Stuff and billions of blogs on the Internet, we just might know a little bit too much about each other? I don't know, but it doesn't seem to be doing all that much good, IMHO.

Over the weekend, President Obama got his first physical since becoming Commander-In-Chief, and the details were widely available to the entire world a short time later. In addition to size, weight, blood-pressure, etc... we also heard about the physicians suggesting that the President might want to try and stop smoking, advice we've heard given him before. Now, I'm not a smoker, but those I know who are see it as a way to relax, reflect, and take a brief time out from the cares that beset most of us to one extent or another. In the case of Obama, I would imagine having a sneaky smoke every now and again might be a habit he might want to continue, as he's got the best/worst job in America, and more and more people seem to think he's not very good at it.

Last week's televised health care summit - that both bored and disgusted a lot of us - was a qualified failure, but it at least served to codify the ugly status of politics in the country. For the President, it was a desperate attempt to show the nation what he had to deal with in the case of the Republican opposition. And as it comes at the end of a hideous, venomous process, I was struck at how much better it would have been had it come at the beginning of the process, before a line of legislation had been set to paper. As soon as you saw the Republicans plunk a massive stack of documents, supposedly representing the Health Care Bill's bulk, you just knew that this meeting was going no place, and the ensuing posturing-thinly-disguised-as-debate as a massive waste of time. A summit like this before it got to Congress would have left the GOP with no War And Peace-sized, pork laden bill to cower behind, and perhaps the case for and against reform could have been more simply drawn.

But maybe the most squirmy moment of the 'summit' was when Obama, replying to a charge by a GOP'er that he was taking more speaking time, said "that's because I'm President". Ouch. More red meat to the disloyal opposition who already think Obama's a snob and an elitist. Also, the remark might have revealed a nagging insecurity on the President's part, having to remind his audience who's the boss here. The boss should never have to say things like that.

On one hand, I like a politician to be what he or she is, not put on some phony, corny, all-American, aw-shucks-I'm-just-one-of-y'all fake front. But on the other, nobody much likes an elitist (a somewhat hypocritical stance in this nation of varying degrees of elitism). The fact that every detail of everybody's life is potentially available to anyone else allows for a lot of pre-judgement anyway, so why not just go ahead and act like an elitist, if you are one. How much worse could that make things?

Well, things are worse and getting worser, and positions have only hardened as the dark forces of the right hold fast against the 'elitist, socialist' left. President Obama came to Warshington with a mandate for change, but he's been suckered by a bitter and twisted opposition into playing the same old political games - so much for change. But perhaps the President's smoking vice could be used to his advantage. Consider this; what if Obama found out (easily done, no doubt, by any 12-year old with a Blackberry) who in the Republican Party smoked? He could then call for a "Smoke Summit", that could take place in the back yard of Blair House (where the health care summit was held). Just imagine the President surrounded by pols of all stripes, leaning up against the wall and chatting casually about a big issue, all cupping cigs and getting things accomplished underneath a thick, nicotine fug. No elitism here, just a bunch of guys with a shared habit, getting down to business. Gotta be better than a tea party.

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WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, BUT...

Dear Readers,

Word has it that former US Vice-President and virulent Obama-basher, Dick "The Duck Hunter" Cheney has been taken to the hospital with a suspected heart attack. We here at Tea With SB, in a bi-partisan spirit of good will, wish Mr. Cheney a full and speedy recovery, as we will miss his Dracula-like presence, sledgehammer wit and good-natured patriotism.

It would be a serious loss if the political world were to be deprived of his witticisms, his helpful suggestions and the fact that he continues to serve as the real face of American right-wing paranoia.

So, get well real soon, Mr. Cheney!

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BYE BAYH CIVILITY

Dear Readers,

When politicians in Warshington D.C. start retiring with excuses like 'they want to spend more time with the family', you know there's trouble. This week, the Democrat Senator from Indiana, Evan Bayh, announced he was falling on his sword and leaving an uncivil, bitterly partisan Senate that he says is "where bills go to die".

Well, Bayh wasn't a leading light in Congress, yet I think he had enough nouse to sense that 2010 was not going to be a Democratic year. The Democrats in Congress have looked lately like just what they are: a slimy bunch of dumb, grasping, woefully out-of-touch satraps who inspire nobody and have ruined the first half of President Obama's term. And they're the good guys! The Republicans are even worse! Besides their 'just say no' approach to legislation, the GOP pols look like big lobby glove-puppets, and act like a bloated and snarling bunch of rabid rodents. And since nobody is looked up to in government these days, into this yawning breach steps the loose association of associations called The Tea Party movement.

Led by safe-within-their-glass-booth TV and radio blabbermouths, these are people who couldn't be bothered to get upset at a stolen election (2000), a phony, unwinnable war (2001), another phony-er war (2003), and a decade of letting the foxes of Wall Street guard the chickencoops of middle America, but now feel obliged to come in at the last minute and save the country.

The thought of any sane person believing a word that issues from such poisonous rictuses as Glenn Beck, Rush Limberger, or the other free-speech gangsters who have polarized the country for their own, financial benefit is depressing, to say the least. But these 'defenders of liberty' are looked up to by millions as oracles who's rants inspire the resurgence of interest in the American constitution, so willfully neglected when we most needed it to be lived up to.

Not that I am against people organizing and demanding their 'redress of grievances', but I think it's kind of suspicious that this new 'band of patriots' have emerged at the same moment that an African-American took the presidential oath of office. Goaded on by Fox News and Limberger and his imitators, we suddenly have a 'tyrant' for a president, and are being dragged towards 'socialism' (a term not one teabagger could accurately define, I promise you) by this non-citizen (got birth certificate?). No coincidence there, I'm sure.

The Teabag brigades say they don't like Republicans either, but it's a weak argument, seeing as they hang on every word of the right-wing media giants who have been little more than Republican Party flacks for years and years, and have taken on as their hope and saviour the GOP half-wit, Sarah 'I can see Russia from here' Palin. 'Taking back the government' has been a rallying cry for the Tea Party movement, but then handing it over to a puppet who will make Quisling look like an independent is sheer madness. Instead of 'The Tea Party' they might as well call themselves the 'Peyote Mushroom Party'.

So as pitchforks rise in the hinterlands, a decent and sensible adult like Evan Bayh exits the stage, probably for his own sanity and self respect as for anything else. He leaves behind a Congress looking more and more like the Roman Senate of Caligula's reign, the one where the Emperor appointed a horse to fill a vacancy. Nobody said or did anything about it, except to wonder why lately there was so much more sh*t all over the place.

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WRITING ON THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU

Dear Readers,

This past Saturday, amidst all the breathless hype for Super Bowl 44, a version of the Teabag Party movement held a 'convention' at a hotel in Nashville. The Teabagggers are riding high at the moment, after a successful summer of tar-and-pitchfork rallies, rages and meeting-busting, followed by elections in New Jersey, Virginia and Massachusetts that they claimed as victories for themselves over the dark forces of state-sponsored 'socialism'. While the established parties look on with a bemused- but- nervous curiosity, the fact is that these people may have tapped into something that might eventually reconfigure the body politic. The demographic of this movement may have all the diversity of an Osmond family reunion, but it does seem to be fulfilling a perceived need, and providing a home for people who probably haven't actively participated in public issues - nay, perhaps have never even voted -in their lives.

The meeting's climax on Saturday night was the appearance of Sarah Palin, recently retired Governatrix of Alaska, flop GOP Vice-Presidential candidate and best selling author of a fictional romance book, Going Rouge. Palin, with characteristic, down-home, easy-to-understand, simple-minded rhetoric, delivered a speech to the restricted-country-club-looking crowd. With apparel, makeup, hairdo and shoes that must have easily eaten up most of the reported $100,000 appearance fee, our Sarah gave the teabags what they wanted - an aggressive, down-the-line recitation of the 'party's' manifesto, probably to avoid being lynched as much as agreeing with the intolerant organization's stated beliefs. Actual socialists could only dream of such unity that was evident in this crowd of rabid, anti- socialists.

There wasn't anything new about what Palin gassed on about, nor the predictable reaction from the Knotts-Berry-Farm-loving audience, but what was new was some crib notes our Sarah had written on her hand and was plainly picked up by the cameras as she spoke. I think this should not be interpreted in a negative way by progressives, but applauded, as she finally seems to be taking her role as president-in-waiting seriously. After all, she spent a few lines of her speech dissing President Obama for his extensive use of teleprompters (even when reading bedtime stories to his children, apparently), but avoided the pitfalls of extemporaneous remarks by giving her palm a quick peek every now and again to keep her train of thought on their rickety tracks.

My only question about the Tea Party Convention and it's associated entertainments is who's paying for all this? Even at $549 a plate for the Palin speech, the math doesn't quite work if our Sarah trousered a cool $100K for the blab. Could it be dark forces on the right, carefully planning their Manchurian Candidate for 2012? Sarah herself, is probably oblivious to the machinations going on behind the curtains, but at least somebody with advice-rights to our next President has opened up the possibilities of using one's skin as a place for cram notes. John McCain is probably kicking himself right now for not thinking of that back in 2008.

So, thanks to a sharpie and a dry palm, Sarah Palin remains the pinup gal stuck to the inside of the right-wing's gym locker. I didn't see the whole speech and Q and A with her, but has anybody commented on the possible symbolism that she kept referring to the notes on her left hand? Those were bad enough, but God only knows what she might have had scribbled on her right.

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BLUE JAY WAY

Dear Readers,

Does anybody really care who hosts The Tonight Show? Apparently, quite a lot of people do, as it took an earthquake of biblical proportions in Haiti to knock the story of Conan O'Brien's dis-fuelled rejection of any change to NBC's late-night lineup off of the front pages (or most of them, at least).

Just like the term 'front pages', The Tonight Show belongs to another era. A venerable late-night warhorse from the 1950's, the program has undergone several changes of hosts without changing very much. Even as the 21st century's appointee, Conan has not so much changed the format as he has revealed how worn-out it is. Sure, people still watch the 11 O'clock news and after the local 'fuzz-and-was' stories, sports (delivered by some crazed, caffeinated jock-brain) and the weather, quite a sizable audience still likes to round out their evening with some topical humor and show-biz bantering. When Conan took over, his perceived task was to put an edge-y-er type of humor on display for that audience, and also attract the lion's share of the coveted 18-30 age group, so important to advertisers. But the experiment was sputtering, constantly losing in the ratings to the 60-something (but still hipper) David Letterman, while the old incumbent, Jay Leno, was making a dog's dinner out of his 10 PM 'consolation prize' program. You know the rest - the cancelling of Jay at 10, the pushing of O'Brien's show to 12:05, Conan's refusal to be shifted, and his soon-to-be announced multi-million dollar severance pay as compensation for a job not-so-well done.

One supposes that now, Leno will return to The Tonight Show seat after a 7-month trek in the wilderness, and all will be well at NBC. Ironically, this switcheroo comes at a time when Conan's ratings are headed skyward, but will probably only prove to be akin to motorists slowing down to gawk at a traffic accident. Also ironic will be that Jay will come under pressure to maintain those numbers, as he drags the late-night format back into the 20th century, where it rightly belongs anyway.

As host of The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson regularly made the news, or at least the morning-after chat around the water cooler. Like a clever You Tube video, Carson's monologue went viral (before that word took on it's modern meaning) on a regular basis, and with no serious late-night competition for years, his was the act that America waited for after learning from the goofy weatherman how they should dress the kids the next day. For it's time, it was brilliant. Nowadays, The Tonight Show only makes news when it changes hosts -spontaneity and controversy is simply gone from the program. A future release of The Best Of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno would vie with Ironing Shirts with Bea Arthur for last place on the DVD sales charts.

While certainly a funny and intelligent guy, Conan O'Brien simply wasn't must-see TV (except for the next few weeks of tabloid-fodder-fed curiosity), either for a generation that still loves Johnny and Jay, or for the generation that drives, tweets, texts and surfs - all at the same time. It was just his bad luck to succeed to a throne that has all the rosy potential of the Romanov dynasty, circa 1917. Okay, let Jay work out the remainder of his contract at 11:35, but take some advice, NBC, after Leno goes (again) try and think of something else to do with a time slot who's formula has outlived it's usefulness.

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A BLOVIATED BREW-UP

Dear Readers,

Is it the Teabaggers, or The Tea Bag Party or is it called The Tea Party Party? But whatever it's called, it apparently hibernates over the winter and will almost surely return hungry (or is it thirsty?) when warmer weather comes.

I don't know who coined the term, or who's financing it or organizing it, but the chief beneficiaries (of what basically amounts to an anti- Obama movement) are the self-important, gas-bag barrage balloons of right wing talk radio. Taking their inspiration from the Boston Tea Party, a middle-of-the-night civil disobedience event back in 1763 (a fact very few of the participants could accurately cite), they've energized a mish-mash of neocons and grievance groups ranging from pro-lifers to the so-called 'birthers', or those who think President Obama is not a natural-born American citizen ("show us the certificate!"). And while many sensible people may write them off as witless cranks egged on by egomaniacal motormouths, the numbers may be growing and their influence may prevent a skittish congress from enacting any new progressive legislation in this election year.

Considering who promotes them and urges them on - regressive idiots like Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck - they shouldn't seem to be much of a threat. But their stable-mates in wrong-headed rabble-rousing, such as the pro-life and anti-gay groups, have had an outsize influence on the people who we elect to make (or in the case of gay marriage, fail to make) laws and create a more humane climate in this country. I'm all for free speech, and make no appeal to silence these Flintstone-brained yokels, but I have to wonder why they are so intent on telling people - who's right to an abortion or a civil ceremony would in no way affect their lives - how they should live. The Teabag Party (...whatever...) is a new wrinkle on this wing of the body politic, and by adapting the methods of the holier-than-thou veterans of those aforementioned 'wedge' issues, they may graduate from windbag-driven odd squads into a force to be reckoned with. I, for one, am not laughing.

The Republican Party (this is a history lesson for you youngsters) used to be dominated by big-money, no-nonsense capitalist commie-haters, and used to number among it's more prominent members somewhat open-minded social moderates such as Nelson Rockefeller. Although a conservative party to be sure, vituperation and fundamentalism were slightly outside their 'tent'. Today, the so-called 'big tent' theory has long been tossed out on the elephant dung pile. The GOP 'tent' today is a smallish one, filled to the big top with mean-minded circus freaks who yearn for an all-white, all-Christian USA - no matter what they say publicly. From this fulcrum sprang the anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-immigrant, anti big-government movements, and the high priests of the Republican Party remain at a safe distance from their foot soldiers, yet all the while, they're keeping eye contact, nodding and winking assent.

The Tea Baggers, manipulated by mean clowns like Hannity and Beck, took on the Health Care reform bill and fixed in the minds of a lot of people things like 'death panels' and free insurance for illegal immigrants ( like, Obama?). The resulting legislation, looking less like a shiny, new vehicle of change and more like a '73 Vega up on cinder blocks, is thisclose to becoming law, but may still yet fail, partially thanks to these calculated calumnies.

So as the days lengthen and the sun ratchets higher and higher in the sky, will we again see the twisted, angry faces of intolerance peeking out from under those ridiculous, teabag-festooned(what a senseless waste of tea!) hats? You betcha! Laugh at them if you will, but chuckle at your peril, I say. If the healthcare bill has become law, they will find any number of issues on which to inflict their righteous ways, you can be sure. (And Fox News will be right behind them.)

In 1763, I don't think there was such a thing as a teabag, but some people earned a living by peering into the dregs of a cup and casting predictions based on the arrangement of the used-up tea leaves. I've no talent in that direction, and I'll spare you the metaphor of trouble 'brewing', but I have a feeling it's going to be a banner year for the Lipton company.

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INTO THE FIENDLY SKIES

Dear Readers,

Does anybody remember when flying was fun? Was it ever fun?

Thanks to fuel prices, airline service cutbacks, fewer carrier choices and endless delays, we can now add the Christmas Day Underpants Bomber and it's resulting panic to the list that's making flying in a commercial airliner a misery for an awful lot of people.

Americans of a certain age look back wistfully at the days when airline dinners were a go-to joke for stand up comedians, but no more. Cheese-paring among airlines means that in the near-future, raffles will be conducted on long-haul flights to see who wins the 3 bags of crisps that will soon become the maximum amount of comestibles on any given aircraft. I, for one, now utterly regret turning up my snotty nose at the foil-wrapped, overheated Chicken Florentine with two veg that used to be placed on my fold-up tray by a reasonably friendly cabin crew member. The tray will probably be eliminated next, then movies, then seats, then air.

A grim reality of the 21st century is that flying has become a nerve-wracking, constitution-challenging ordeal. The perils of travelling from place to place in a commercial jet liner have increased, even as aircraft have become larger and more reliable. The quaint notion of dreading being sat next to the fattest person you've ever seen has now been replaced with the dread of sitting next to someone who decides to set fire to his shorts.

In America, the FAA no longer regulates air travel, which may comes as news to nobody but the FAA. No, the control of our skies (and that of many other nations) has devolved to Al Qaeda. From caves in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen-stan and maybe other 'stans' we've not heard of yet, terrorists pretty much determine how passengers are loaded, baggage stowed and takeoffs allowed, and it's a little worrisome that over eight years after 9/11, the handover has still not been acknowledged by our officials. And you thought it was taking a long time to build the Freedom Tower on the scar that was once the World Trade Center!

It's no good to just shrug and say that it's the problem of those who happen to fly, either. A plane that blows up in mid-air can theoretically crash down on anybody, even the most dedicated Luddite, and just because we've been reduced to strip-searching 89-year old grannies suspected of being a potential Depends Bomber doesn't mean that a disaster can't still occur. The thing about terrorists -often forgotten by comfortable and reasonable Americans - is that they may get caught 99 times out of a hundred, but that one success could be a whopper, and the terror-leaders are not concerned about getting their one, successful agent back, either.

Compared to what we're now up against, World War II looks like a polite war. When Germany and Japan surrendered and signed the documents, that was it - game over. But we can't win a war that has no stated goal - heck, we can hardly imagine how to fight it. In a war where the attackers only need an army of one guy with pyrotechnic Calvins to score a success, we're all potential walking collateral damage, no matter your religion, or lack thereof.

The people who are nominally in charge of security have got to face up to the fact that a 100% success rate in thwarting terrorists is the minimum standard, and they must work harder at analyzing data, screening dodgy people and sharing information with other nations who are similarly threatened(The Underpants bomber left a paper trail that practically outed himself as a risk, and nothing was done about it). And if you say that there's not enough people to do the job, well, a Terrorism Stimulus Program might not be a bad investment for putting the unemployed back to work - a much better idea than building pork-barrel bridges to nowhere.

What a boost for the economy it would be to have airports crawling with security staff and every flight manned (or womanned) with an agent sitting at the back with a loaded fire extinguisher at the ready.

Air travel will, sadly, never be the same as it was as recently as a decade ago, and there's no use trying to deny or ignore that fact. Once you actually get on the plane, you'll have to say goodbye to the pillows, blankets, peanuts, free drinks, free headphones, leg room, carry-on luggage and the in-flight entertainment that was once the norm for even bovine-class passengers. There is a bright spot, though, with the ban on the use of smartphones in-flight certain to be totally repealed, we can take nostalgic solace in watching You Tube clips of 80's comedians as we cruise at 30,000 feet, squashed into our seats - "Hey, what about that airline food, huh...?"

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LOOKING BACK IN ANGER

Dear Readers,

The second decade of the 21st century is now on the road, and as we cruise down the highway of time in our shiny, new vehicle, there's every reason to suspect that what we really have is a chimera of a ride, cobbled together from the remains of several chassis, despite the new-car aroma.

With all the best-of, most-of and worst-of lists for the 'decade with no name' out of the way, it seems to me that the years 2000 through 2009 can be summed up in four words: greed, corruption, war and technology. This quartet could describe any decade, of course, but the depressing thing is that these aspects of life seem to be intertwined in a more sinister fashion than in past ten-year chunks of history.

It's worth noting that greed and corruption have no redeeming qualities, while war and technology can be both good and evil, depending on the generally accepted righteousness of, or which side of the battle or invention you happen to be on. And while more and more ordinary people are connected to the world at large than ever before, the influence of this mass of humanity on events that shape this world seems increasingly impotent, despite all the writhing and moaning.

Take Twitter for example. This ingenious little network allows us all - potentially - to be reporters, commentators and published diarists to a (potential) worldwide audience, hard-wired for virtual social networking. Apart from the inanity of what Paris Hilton is up to, news that used to have to wait for an hourly radio bulletin, TV film at 11 or the next day's newspaper to 'go viral' can now ricochet all over the globe, almost instantly. But the value of this 'speed of information' seems dubious to me, and has yet to prove it's value. Sure, the world knew that Michael Jackson had croaked within minutes of the singer's assumption of room temperature, but was it vital information? Did it matter? It was titillating, perhaps, but could have easily waited until Eyewitness News At Six. So much of this 'vital information' falls into the category of 'it could wait'. Maybe the best example of the potential power of a 140-character burst of knowledge came during the post-bogus-election-result protests in Iran. Texting, Twittering and cell-phone photographing provided the protesters involved with instant access to each other and the world at large as they clashed with the goon squads of the state in a confused, running battle. But in the end, it did not change the outcome one bit. The repressive regime survived, intact. Score one for brute force over Blackberry, Palm Pilot and I-Phone.

As the financial and influence gap between the wealthy, powerful elite and the great mass of the rest of us widens, the paranoid in me wonders if the ruling class has somehow kept us docile by bestowing on us the gadgets of modern technology that keep us so glued to our Wiis, wide screens and smart phones that we have even less time than before to look critically at the big picture all around us. The powers that be can rest assured that there will be no protests in the streets as long as we're absorbed with our tweets.

So, while two futile wars rage on, and Wall Street's new generation robber-barons wallow in obscene, Great Recession bonuses, a sizable plurality of America's public stays firmly in debt in order to stay firmly gadgeted-up. But people have yet to truly tap into the power that's been so cynically handed them. It's still all about me and my space. We may sheepishly accept the wars and the rip-offs imposed from above, but if a reasonable request to turn off a cellphone in a theatre is made, look out, There Will Be Blood. Meanwhile, outside in the real world, big finance's dodgy products wipe out millions of jobs at a stroke. Classic Machiavellian tactics: keep the mob at each other's throats so that they don't go for the ruling elite's jugulars. Maybe a gross misreading of the situation, but it does seem like a lost opportunity so far, the chance to use the new technology to hold the guilty to account. Seems we'd much rather be the first to know that Tiger Woods has resurfaced in the Bahamas than raise an angry protest against the men who have sold us out.

In China, the ruling class keeps limits on Internet access and social networking because they know that with a population that size, with less to lose, the risk of revolution is greater than in the US, where the populace is generally comfortable enough to put up with misfeasance. Our leaders live in hope that the center will hold, and our child-like optimism about the future will last a while longer. The financial/political elite of this country must look with absolute envy upon the Chinese system, which, as the balance of power shifts from the West to the East(thanks, largely, to the cynical, short-term-gain-for-long-term-pain, financial sell-out to the Orient), seems to be evolving into a kind of 'Capitalist Dictatorship', or free-market, centrally controlled economics coupled with political repression. The Chinese squash dissent with tanks, the US must (for now) continue to squash dissent with affordable, entertaining gadgetry.

The 2000's was a decade where we raced boldly into the future without facing up to many of the fundamental problems of the past. Now, in the new year and new decade, partially blinded by the light of a billion LCD screens, it's quite easy to lose sight of the fact that we've heavily mortgaged our future for the pleasures of the present, and the latest I-Phone app won't do much to address the threats of terrorism, corporate crime, climate change or the fact that millions of people live lives right this minute that we wouldn't allow our pets to endure.

There's a great line in John Osborne's play, Look Back In Anger, that effectively(and contradictorily) describes my opinion of the 2000's. To paraphrase a character in the play comparing the older and younger generation of the time -" one is angry because everything has changed, the other is angry because nothing has changed". Happy New Year.

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SEETHING WITH GOOD WILL

Dear Readers,

Washington is quiet now as the politicians, exhausted from their 'workload' stagger back to their home districts for a little R&R (I had no idea that the Caribbean, Puerto Rico and the Bahamas were so well-represented). And even President Obama has headed off for the state of his birth, Hawaii, for some well-deserved down-time amongst the grass skirts and pineapples. In-between the parties and committing a solid majority of the seven deadly sins, the beltway pols can take a look at it's accomplishments and shortcomings from a position of extreme comfort and tally up the numbers. As everybody loves to keep score, there will be more scorecards for the new President's first year than returned sweaters to department stores. But I will resist the temptation to add to the pile by simply saying 'he made it'.

Whatever one says about Mr. Obama and the successes and/or failures of his first year, you gotta admit that the guy kept his cool. The people who expected the new President to wave a wand and change the D.C. culture in a instant have serious issues with the way things have gone to be sure. The left-wing Democrats, who seem to have expected him to govern to the left of Fidel Castro, and the lunatic right wing (i.e.,the leadership of the Republican Party), who were crying 'socialism' at every turn like trained circus bears, were the most vocal. Even the vast, centrist, piano majority seemed uncertain as to how to react to a President who promised change, yet wound up governing like a veteran bureaucrat, calmly surrounding himself with the Geitners', Summerses' and Clintons of the world. Yet, contrary to popular belief, things did get done, like the stimulus package, the Afghan 'surge', the auto rescue and the framework of the health care reform bill, just to name a few. Plus, the guy won a Nobel Prize for gawd's sake, without breaking a sweat. Much was left hanging though, like unemployment and banking reform (don't hold your breath), and dealing with those issues will make Finnegan's Wake seem like a beach novel. But even as tsunami after tsunami of criticism, unwanted advice and hasty judgements poured down on him, Obama maintained a calm, steady and confident demeanor, which at least gave off the impression of a man in firm control. While citizens of many stripes might have an awful lot to complain about this administration, you can't say he didn't stand up and do his job with a lot of aplomb.

Obama, who spent considerably more time as a candidate than as a senator during his two-thirds of a term in the upper body, certainly made the best use of his majority in the sense that he let congress be congress - with all it's slimy deal-making, porkbarrel ways - and got something out of it on a core issue like healthcare, a trick that no other president has been able to pull off. While other chief executives have tried to use their election victory momentum to dictate terms to the Congress, Obama just gave them a general idea of what he was after and let them churn out the sausage, using their own, traditional, unsanitary recipe. Considering that Obama was so little regarded (and little-seen) by his peers in his 4 years as a U.S. Senator, his approach borders on the brilliant in dealing with such a group of self-important, puffed-up group of insatiable grabbers.

So, while the business of governing in 2009 has had it's little successes, the coming year in the nation's capital promises to be an argy-bargy of epic proportions. The Republican rump may seem beaten and constantly outvoted, but it would be a serious mistake to take them lightly and dismiss them as a bunch of teabagged lunatics. While the left may be wary of the administration, and the center may be confused, the right-wingers are unshakable in their paranoia about Obama, and the infection can easily spread. It's worth noting that political Washington broke camp for the holidays with the 'loyal' opposition in a bitter high dudgeon over the health care bill, certain to return to work refreshed and committed to revenge. In between the presents and the parties, the Jacobins at Fox News will be banging away at Obama nonstop between the showings of "A Christmas Story" and "New Year's Rockin' Eve", and while most of the Republicans in congress are probably several time zones away from anybody resembling a constituent during this holiday break, no doubt they'll be 'hearing it', one way or another. Obama may be feeling good about how the year in Washington wound up, but it would be foolhardy to ignore an opposition that will return in 2010, tanned, rested and ready - and hell-bent on destruction.

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CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

Dear Readers,

Some inspirational quotes for you to help get through the required jolliness of the holiday season.

"Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed and the rejected." - Jimmy Cannon

"Christmas makes everything twice as sad." - Douglas Coupland

"Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive." - Stephen Fry

"I beg to present to you as a Christmas present the city of Savannah." - William Tecumseh Sherman

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SINK THE BISMARCK!

Dear Readers,

The old saying about there being two things you shouldn't watch being made - sausage and legislation - is never more true in the case of this current attempt at health care reform. Except as the US Senate meat-grinder churns on, it seems like as many ingredients are being taken out as put in, and this bill looks like it's going to be quite an unappetising banger.

Gone are the better ideas like single-payer provisions, the public option, medicare buy-in and any sort of cost control which, to my way of thinking, should have been at the very heart of the legislation.

In fact, this bill has no heart. It's a freakish monster, written largely by the medical and drug lobbies and the !#$%^&! minority party, the left-for-dead GOP.

The medical lobbies and the Republicans have played this one beautifully. First, they got ahead of the curve by distilling easy-to-digest sound bite lies (like the Obama death-panels) out of complicated facts, scaring the bejesus out of and mobilizing the Republican 'base'. Then, with the help of the big medicine lobby and a handful of pusillanimous Democrats, they threatened a feckless Majority Leader of The Senate, Harry Reid, into making huge concessions in order to gain his 60-vote, filibuster-proof majority. So, not only have the Republicans gotten most everything that smacks of real reform out of the bill, but have contrived a scenario where the Democrats will get the blame when voters realize they've been had. Pure (evil) genius. Ernst Blofeld of 'James Bond' fame could not have done better.

When the Democrats watch, grinning, as President Obama inks the legislation, we'll probably have a bill - largely re-written by big medicine - that requires, under penalty of law any uninsured person or family to buy health care that basically allows insurance companies to charge what ever they want. Even the removal of the 'pre-existing condition' excuse for denying coverage is a poisoned chalice. Big insurance has to cover you, but can charge you big time for having, say, something like high blood pressure (a condition I'm acquiring as I type). No more deciding between the mortgage and paying your insurance premiums, no more choice between eating and settling your health care account, pay up or be heavily fined by the US Government. 'Death Panels' will no longer be a paranoid fiction - they'll be real and manned by big health insurance executives.

Why the Democrats decided to try and reform everything in one bill remains a mystery to me. Wouldn't it have been better to address each area of concern separately? They could have gained a sense of momentum by passing bills to remedy easy targets, then used that momentum to push through more controversial items. But no. They, like the German Kriegsmarine during World War II, just had to construct and put to sea an enormous, vulnerable, lumbering, huge-target Battleship Bismarck, heavy in firepower, but eventually doomed by a couple of well-aimed torpedos from old, slow, clapped-out, obsolete bi-planes. Surely, the Dems (who ought to act more like they run the government) would have been more successful by sending out a pack of legislative U-Boats, moving stealthily under water and picking off targets one at a time. Sadly though, unlike the original, this modern Bismarck will probably survive, severely damaged, but with it's still-powerful guns aimed squarely at the people it was designed to protect.

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I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUTTA HERE

Dear Readers,

Fame, ain't it a b**ch.

In a week where a very weird couple apparently gate-crashed an official state dinner at the White House, another crash was taking place about 1,000 miles away. Inadvertently, golf great Tiger Woods has turned a humble fire hydrant near his Floridian gated community estate into a cultural icon merely by crashing into it at 2:30 in the morning. Woods, who may be the most world-famous sports celebrity since Muhammad Ali, is now signalling to the rest of the planet that he would like to be left alone (and probably crawl beneath that hydrant) and have everybody just forget about the whole thing. But that's not possible when you are as well-known as he is, and for those who are just dying to be celebrities, it ought to be a morality tale-like warning, easily on a par with Aesop.

The wealthy goofballs who circulated at the White House state dinner apparently had it all - money, social status (of a sort), fairly good looks, good health and the savoir faire sufficient to blend in with the invited guests. Even with all that, they were suffering from a 'disease' that more and more Americans seem to be coming down with -they weren't famous. Forget the 'swine flu', 'Fame Flu' is a condition there seems to be no vaccine for, and it's spreading.

If your stomach is still strong enough to watch TV, you must have a number of 'reality shows' on your favorites list, and they are invariably populated by completely talent-free, utterly banal human beings who somehow grabbed the public's (and the TV producers) attention and attained the ultimate accolade - a hit TV show featuring themselves. The list is too great and nauseating to review, but when nobodies like Jon & Kate (plus 8) become cable-ratings kings and wind up on the cover of every publication from People to Popular Mechanics (having watched it once, one can only imagine what the lower-rated shows must be like), then you know that the 'fame coin' is seriously debased. Yet reality-show stars are actually only useful to the media until a real star like Tiger goes and screws up and blows them off the headlines.

So Mr. Woods hides out while speculation and unsourced gossip about what caused the wee-hours accident (and why he's reluctant to explain the circumstances around it) swirl around all media from TV to Twitter. The complete ordinariness of Woods's situation stands in stark contrast to the astonishing lack of security revealed by the White House gatecrashers, and yet his story won't die. Being famous for being famous is one thing, but real celeb-juice (based on talent, mostly) is still a rare commodity. Despite this truism, I can hear it even now, in some midwestern livingroom - "Ma, call the press, I think junior's trapped in an out-of-control hot-air balloon. And don't forget to call Hollywood, too". Andy Warhol didn't know the half of it.

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SOON TO BE SNAIL MAIL

Dear Readers,

Here's my newest promotional postcard. Please feel free to save it and print it out for later use, as I need to cut back on stamps. I think it's rather cute, don't you?

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A LINCOLN, NOT A FORD

Dear Readers,

Needless to say, it's been a rough few months for Barack Obama. In a nation obsessed with apps and American Idols, change must happen with the speed of thought, and with so many bottomless problems to deal with, it seems that people are quite willing to sacrifice sense on the altar of swiftness.

Ironically, it's the speed of the progress of the health care bill that seems to have bothered the nation the most. While the President seems to dither on W's war in Afghanistan, he gets slammed for the slowness of action in that problem, and at the same time gets pilloried for pushing too hard and too fast in the massive reform of our medical system. No matter how confident an incoming President may be, the truth is, you just can't win.

Most newly-elected Chief Executives - with the possible exception of FDR - have had rough first years. Even John F. Kennedy, with far less immediate crises to deal with, was viewed by some as not up to the job because of the Bay Of Pigs disaster and his less-than-successful first meeting with the USSR leadership. But JFK didn't have a legion of radio and TV Brownshirts publicly 'hoping he would fail' and even doubting his claim to be a natural-born US citizen. Critics back then grumbled but they didn't attempt to overthrow the new government.

A more apt comparison to Obama's rookie season could be made with the first year of Abraham Lincoln's presidency (not surprisingly, our president's favorite role-model), one in which the nation went to war with itself and Abe had to watch as his poorly-led army suffered defeat after defeat on the battlefield. Lincoln also had to put up with savage attacks on his motives, his character and even how he looked. He was often compared to a simian and some of his less-clever critics referred to him as 'Ape' Lincoln (...c'mon, Rush, I dare you...). But our 16th President kept his cool and instead of pandering to the mob literally baying for his blood, he remained himself, confident (outwardly, at least) that he would eventually find the solutions.

Obama has not only had to hear it from all the media chicken-hawks on how to conduct policy as regards to Afghanistan - but he's also had to stand some fairly inappropriate public comments from his Generals running the hopeless conflict. A lesser man would have ordered wholesale firings, but I think his commitment to rationalism remains firm. While it looks like feckless inaction to some, it looks like thoughtful resolve to me. Lincoln, in the early days of the Civil War bemoaned his lack of a winning General, one who would confront the enemy and fight instead of holding back for fear of losing. Today, it's the Generals who bemoan the lack of a decisive president who won't give them 500,000 more troops to waste in a lost cause. The last president who gave the generals all that they wanted was Lyndon B. Johnson (whom I seem to remember had a fantastic first year in office). So clearly, history, with all it's parallels, is not always the best example to gauge the present by. Last November, we voted for change, and we got it. We replaced a quick-acting, slow-thinking (often no-thinking) President with an intelligent, analytical and deliberate one. Isn't that change enough?

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HELLO, I MUST BE GOING

Dear Readers,

In the fun house-mirror world of entertainment, nothing becomes a celebrity more than how they make an exit. Many of us have spent obscene amounts of money to attend 'farewell tour' concerts of our best-loved musicians, comedians and other circus acts, only to find out a few years later that the celeb has decided to come out of retirement. Let's face it, all people who have grabbed the brass ring of fame will only give it up when it's prised from their cold, dead fingers. Perhaps the only celebrity who has announced a farewell tour who actually kept their word was Michael Jackson, and he needed quackery and enough meds to knock out a battalion of Cossacks in order to do it.

So, in a tearful statement last week, Oprah Winfrey announced she was leaving her daytime syndicated show -her farewell tour lasting only another eighteen months - and voluntarily stepping down from the gabfest throne. Like her or not, Oprah is a phenomenon. I can't say I'm a regular viewer, but by daytime talk-show standards, she's the best there has ever been in the genre, and the best that probably ever will be. In a Rupert Murdoched media environment, no articulate, telegenic and intelligent person will ever again be allowed access to the airwaves, and we'll be left with meatballs like Dr. Phil and airheads like Tyra Banks to stare at idly while we wait for the unemployment check to arrive. Besides, with on-line playpens like Facebook, You Tube and Twitter, the daytime TV schedule is increasingly irrelevant (along with newspapers). Like Muhammad Ali with heavyweight boxing, Oprah is taking the category of daytime talk-show host with her when she goes.

But wait! While Ms. Winfrey intends to step away from her popular, high-paying gig in about 2 years, she'll almost immediately pop up on her own soon-to-be network on cable. Yes, in the 35 minutes or so between contracts, we'll have the Oprah Winfrey Network to look forward to (I can already see the revolvers, sleeping pills and razor blades emerging from the desks of ABC and CBS executives). Although nothing has been announced in detail, I would lay odds that we shall see Oprah again in a show or two not unlike the one she's giving up.

But I say, good for her. She seems a smart and level-headed lady, and her fame is nothing if not truly deserved. If you give her credit for only one thing, her talk show - and it's by-products, like the Oprah Book Club - have not only raised the national IQ a point or two, but have saved daytime TV from going totally over the Jerry Springer cliff, no mean feat. So, I wish Ms. Winfrey all success, a long life and continued good fortune, but please don't make it seem like you're leaving us. How can we miss you if you never go away?

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COLORING THE TROOPS

Dear Readers,

I didn't think it was possible to squeeze anymore entertainment juice out of World War Two, but the current WWII In HD series on the Discovery Channel has proved otherwise.

In this instance the said channel is living up to its name, as it has discovered new footage of the war, some taken by soldiers and individuals during the conflict that had been stored and forgotten in private collections. It's hard to believe that so many veterans had kept these films in attics and basements, thinking they were of little value. Maybe they thought there's been so many TV programs, series and re-assessments of WW2 (enough to merit it's own cable channel, at least), every moment of the conflict must have already been captured on celluloid and their contributions would be superfluous. In an age where practically every piece of junk is a 'collectible' to somebody, and nothing seems to be valueless, these newly-found artifacts are invaluable, and take us beyond the familiar and iconic images to give us a little taste of how messy and nasty this 'good war' was for the ordinary citizen who had to do all the dirty work.

During the war, a good amount of censorship was felt necessary to keep the reality of the battlefield from the public, and the most graphic material stayed under wraps - especially if it involved 'our' side. Letting people see what they might be in for if they were sent into battle was not very good for morale, obviously. But having seen the first episode of this series, I was impressed by the amount of footage of the dead and the dying that was aired, and also of field hospitals (an often forgotten ancillary of warfare), and the operations on wounded soldiers that took place within. It reminded me of a sadistic health teacher I had in grade school who showed some similar films (only to the boys) in order to 'toughen us up'. We saw reels and reels of surgery on these battlefield injuries, causing some of us to faint. I hung on, but was haunted by what I saw.

Surprisingly, a lot of the more gruesome stuff was actually filmed in color, and this in an age before digital 'colorizing' (all previous wars were in black-and-white only). So if I have any criticism of WWII In HD, its that quite a lot of the footage they used to tell the stories was obviously colorized. It's a pretty refined technique these days, but I think a lot of the people who do colorizing are techies, not artists. For instance, when there was a shot of an explosion shown, the fireball had all it's oranges and reds, but the dust-and-debris cloud remained a stubborn B&W-film grey (grey has color, too - to an artist). Also, all faces seemed to be the same tint. A minor point, but annoying all the same.

I wonder what the vets - who had put away these films and practically forgotten about them - feel about seeing their 'home' movies messed with. My guess is that, to a combat veteran of World War Two, their memories have always been in vivid, stark and unfading color, and no technology can ever mess with that - unfortunately.

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McCAIN'S REVENGE

Dear Readers,

Excerpts from the Sarah Palin book, Going Rouge are beginning to appear, and it looks like the man who pulled her from well-deserved obscurity is not going to come out of too well. Yes, not only are we going to be treated to a no-holds barred re-writing of the would-be Veep's disastrous 2008 campaign, but poor old John McCain will be savaged by his very own creation.

I suppose it will not only become a best-seller, trash McCain and his handlers and offer us the wit and wisdom of the moose-slaughtering, ex-governor of Alaska, but it will probably be regarded as the first serious stirrings of the 2012 presidential campaign. The very notion that Sarah would be taken seriously by anyone as a US president is offset by the sheer exasperation many Americans seem to have for Mr. Obama, perhaps our brainiest chief executive. But a quick think about the motives of the Republican Party - i.e., get the controls of government again - and you begin to see the sense of promoting Palin as the saviour of the country. The neocons have a long track record of getting 'amiable dunces' elected to the White House - just examine the list of the last 30 years or so. If you think that there's no way a half-wit could ever get his or her feet under the desk in the Oval Office, think again. You have to admire the skills of the Cheneys, Rumsfelds, and Roves of the GOP, as they've been at or near the heart of the machines that saw Ronald Reagan and a couple of George Bushes (easily the dimmest dynastic family since the Windsors) win election to the highest office in the land. The Democrats, on the other hand, have gotten extremely smart people elected in the last 30 years - Jimmy Carter (nuclear peanut baron), Bill Clinton (Rhodes scholar) and Barack Obama (earned a degree from Harvard in 6 weeks) - yet it's the Republican double-digit IQ candidates that people are beginning to look back at fondly - in spite of the fact that a fair-minded assessment of the records would have to conclude these GOP presidents have collectively wreaked the most damage on ordinary citizens.

So Palin puts out Going Rouge (I know it's really called 'Going Rogue', but let me have my little joke) and the cycle starts again. In the film Frankenstein, the torch-carrying mob corners and seems to kill the monster Victor Frankenstein has created, but it's looking like in real life, the mob wishes the monster to live, and instead, turns on itself. Meanwhile, back in the gloomy, gothic laboratory, the mad scientists of the GOP nudge and wink at each other, thinking "it's alive, it's alive"!!

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YOU VET YOUR LIFE

Dear Readers,

For those who's history only goes as far back as the Imac, Veteran's Day probably needs some sort of explanation. Arising out of the slaughter of World War One, so many people had been affected by the loss or maiming of a loved one, some sort of acknowledgement of the wasting of so many lives needed to take place -probably not for sentimentality's sake, but in order that the people in power could maintain that control over the mass of humanity that sustains those who seek to rule.

It's in this context that we observe another yearly recognition of those who choose to defend us.

Yet there are those of us who command the airwaves and earn huge salaries by stoking prejudices, railing against common sense and urging our country into military folly that see our brave boys and girls as (as Bob Dylan once wrote) as 'pawns in the game', and want to send even more of them into a mindless Moloch of misguided madness. Yes, Rush, Glenn, Sean and Bill, I'm talking about you.

The right-wing 'chicken-hawks' who feel it's their duty to urge young men and women to take up arms -when they did not bother to- should be ashamed of themselves, even as they pose as 'patriots', stirring up 'teabag' mobs into action against ideas which do not suit these media satraps' notions of how we should behave. Men with microphones are the bravest - as long as it's not they who are doing the dying.

Yes, this country should absolutely revere those who have taken up arms in defense of this democracy, and many have died horrible, painful deaths in fighting fields where honor and liberty was at stake - but survival was what it came down to in the end. Without realizing it, they were metaphors, and it pains me to see so many right-wing blabbermouths elevating their own status on the dead bodies of people they view as mere fuel for their own firestorms.

But life isn't fair, and the cowards who have suddenly found militarism thrive while the very audiences they pander to send their children off to hopeless, murderous wars.

I sleep uneasily thinking about the veterans who have been maimed and slaughtered in service to this country, but Glenn, Rush and Sean sleep peacefully in the confident assurance that there will always be armies willing to die for their wealth and comfort. Is this a great country, or what?

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ALL'S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD

Dear Readers,

The New York Yankees have won the World Series and have regained their place as the champions of Major League Baseball. The planet has regained it's equilibrium, the stars have aligned in a new 'age of Aquarius', and we can count on at least 6 months of perfect weather in all parts of the country.

There are other effects to be noticed that have been effected by this return to normalcy, like:

Osama Bin Laden has been captured and has offered -along with all the Al-Queida members he's aware of - to personally rebuild the World Trade Center buildings - for free.

Bernard Madoff has informed authorities that he has a Swiss bank account with $750 trillion dollars in it, and would like to repay all the people he ripped off plus retire the entire U.S. national debt.

Hamid Karzai has announced he will join the Green Party, quit as President, and allow Afghanistan to have free elections without him.

Rush Limbaugh has announced he's giving up his radio show to join ACORN.

Paula Abdul has promised she will never appear on TV again.

Sarah Palin has retired from politics to become a US park ranger, to be stationed in Greenland.

Iran has decided to give up it's nuclear weapons program and has applied to become the 51st US State.

And you thought sports was silly. I'll let you know of more normalcy events as they come in.

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