IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST...

Dear Readers,

Well, it's time to bite the bullet and admit defeat. No, I'm not talking about Washington politics or the Health Care Bill, I'm talking about this blog.

Yes, like 99% of all blogs out there, this one has been almost universally ignored and will now become just another 'zombie blog'. Perhaps the only difference is that I'm saying it openly, leaving no doubt to those in future who might miraculously stumble upon my leavings, and wonder why there hasn't been any new posts in the last 2 years. I say this without bitterness, only a mild regret that I wasn't able to figure out a way of making it relevant.

I suppose that, to be a well-read, interesting or even a useful blog, there has to be a central purpose behind it, making it something that people might turn to from time to time. A particular point of view, a specialist advice forum, some real and original gossip, some inside information on the how-tos and wherewithal's, a multimedia spectacular - these and other aspects of blogging probably account for the majority of successful blogs, and often help their authors actually make money with them, to one degree or another. But not me. My freewheeling olio of humor, commentary, short stories and general complaints about society have unsurprisingly made no mark, tickled no fancies or had the least little impact on the information super-highway.

I had originally thought that feedback - should I have gotten any that was helpful - might lead me to find a unifying theme for this blog. But the miserably few comments that I accumulated from 18 months or writing came mostly from people far more disturbed than myself, some, I might say, obviously in desperate need of professional help. Having no degree in the healing arts, I could offer nothing in the way of succor.

I leave this genre of public exposure to a generation that constantly stares at it's smart phones, looking for everything and anything except this blog. If there is anybody I have hurt, offended, angered or libelled in my brief life as a blogger, I am truly sorry. But knowing that my readership habitually struggled to achieve numbers in the low single-digits, I doubt such a declaration is necessary, but I give it anyway. I promise that I will not take any revenge for this dismal failure upon myself or society, I'll just write it off as one of those great ideas that fell far short of ideal. I'll keep this zombie on-line for a while, I guess, though I doubt I will ever bother to post again. The sound of one hand clapping was just too deafening for me.

So, thank you and enjoy the rest of your lives, Dear Readers.

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SMOKE ON THE WATER

Dear Readers,

Does anyone else think that, with all the technology typified by Facebook, Twitter, I-Phone Stuff and billions of blogs on the Internet, we just might know a little bit too much about each other? I don't know, but it doesn't seem to be doing all that much good, IMHO.

Over the weekend, President Obama got his first physical since becoming Commander-In-Chief, and the details were widely available to the entire world a short time later. In addition to size, weight, blood-pressure, etc... we also heard about the physicians suggesting that the President might want to try and stop smoking, advice we've heard given him before. Now, I'm not a smoker, but those I know who are see it as a way to relax, reflect, and take a brief time out from the cares that beset most of us to one extent or another. In the case of Obama, I would imagine having a sneaky smoke every now and again might be a habit he might want to continue, as he's got the best/worst job in America, and more and more people seem to think he's not very good at it.

Last week's televised health care summit - that both bored and disgusted a lot of us - was a qualified failure, but it at least served to codify the ugly status of politics in the country. For the President, it was a desperate attempt to show the nation what he had to deal with in the case of the Republican opposition. And as it comes at the end of a hideous, venomous process, I was struck at how much better it would have been had it come at the beginning of the process, before a line of legislation had been set to paper. As soon as you saw the Republicans plunk a massive stack of documents, supposedly representing the Health Care Bill's bulk, you just knew that this meeting was going no place, and the ensuing posturing-thinly-disguised-as-debate as a massive waste of time. A summit like this before it got to Congress would have left the GOP with no War And Peace-sized, pork laden bill to cower behind, and perhaps the case for and against reform could have been more simply drawn.

But maybe the most squirmy moment of the 'summit' was when Obama, replying to a charge by a GOP'er that he was taking more speaking time, said "that's because I'm President". Ouch. More red meat to the disloyal opposition who already think Obama's a snob and an elitist. Also, the remark might have revealed a nagging insecurity on the President's part, having to remind his audience who's the boss here. The boss should never have to say things like that.

On one hand, I like a politician to be what he or she is, not put on some phony, corny, all-American, aw-shucks-I'm-just-one-of-y'all fake front. But on the other, nobody much likes an elitist (a somewhat hypocritical stance in this nation of varying degrees of elitism). The fact that every detail of everybody's life is potentially available to anyone else allows for a lot of pre-judgement anyway, so why not just go ahead and act like an elitist, if you are one. How much worse could that make things?

Well, things are worse and getting worser, and positions have only hardened as the dark forces of the right hold fast against the 'elitist, socialist' left. President Obama came to Warshington with a mandate for change, but he's been suckered by a bitter and twisted opposition into playing the same old political games - so much for change. But perhaps the President's smoking vice could be used to his advantage. Consider this; what if Obama found out (easily done, no doubt, by any 12-year old with a Blackberry) who in the Republican Party smoked? He could then call for a "Smoke Summit", that could take place in the back yard of Blair House (where the health care summit was held). Just imagine the President surrounded by pols of all stripes, leaning up against the wall and chatting casually about a big issue, all cupping cigs and getting things accomplished underneath a thick, nicotine fug. No elitism here, just a bunch of guys with a shared habit, getting down to business. Gotta be better than a tea party.

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WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, BUT...

Dear Readers,

Word has it that former US Vice-President and virulent Obama-basher, Dick "The Duck Hunter" Cheney has been taken to the hospital with a suspected heart attack. We here at Tea With SB, in a bi-partisan spirit of good will, wish Mr. Cheney a full and speedy recovery, as we will miss his Dracula-like presence, sledgehammer wit and good-natured patriotism.

It would be a serious loss if the political world were to be deprived of his witticisms, his helpful suggestions and the fact that he continues to serve as the real face of American right-wing paranoia.

So, get well real soon, Mr. Cheney!

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BYE BAYH CIVILITY

Dear Readers,

When politicians in Warshington D.C. start retiring with excuses like 'they want to spend more time with the family', you know there's trouble. This week, the Democrat Senator from Indiana, Evan Bayh, announced he was falling on his sword and leaving an uncivil, bitterly partisan Senate that he says is "where bills go to die".

Well, Bayh wasn't a leading light in Congress, yet I think he had enough nouse to sense that 2010 was not going to be a Democratic year. The Democrats in Congress have looked lately like just what they are: a slimy bunch of dumb, grasping, woefully out-of-touch satraps who inspire nobody and have ruined the first half of President Obama's term. And they're the good guys! The Republicans are even worse! Besides their 'just say no' approach to legislation, the GOP pols look like big lobby glove-puppets, and act like a bloated and snarling bunch of rabid rodents. And since nobody is looked up to in government these days, into this yawning breach steps the loose association of associations called The Tea Party movement.

Led by safe-within-their-glass-booth TV and radio blabbermouths, these are people who couldn't be bothered to get upset at a stolen election (2000), a phony, unwinnable war (2001), another phony-er war (2003), and a decade of letting the foxes of Wall Street guard the chickencoops of middle America, but now feel obliged to come in at the last minute and save the country.

The thought of any sane person believing a word that issues from such poisonous rictuses as Glenn Beck, Rush Limberger, or the other free-speech gangsters who have polarized the country for their own, financial benefit is depressing, to say the least. But these 'defenders of liberty' are looked up to by millions as oracles who's rants inspire the resurgence of interest in the American constitution, so willfully neglected when we most needed it to be lived up to.

Not that I am against people organizing and demanding their 'redress of grievances', but I think it's kind of suspicious that this new 'band of patriots' have emerged at the same moment that an African-American took the presidential oath of office. Goaded on by Fox News and Limberger and his imitators, we suddenly have a 'tyrant' for a president, and are being dragged towards 'socialism' (a term not one teabagger could accurately define, I promise you) by this non-citizen (got birth certificate?). No coincidence there, I'm sure.

The Teabag brigades say they don't like Republicans either, but it's a weak argument, seeing as they hang on every word of the right-wing media giants who have been little more than Republican Party flacks for years and years, and have taken on as their hope and saviour the GOP half-wit, Sarah 'I can see Russia from here' Palin. 'Taking back the government' has been a rallying cry for the Tea Party movement, but then handing it over to a puppet who will make Quisling look like an independent is sheer madness. Instead of 'The Tea Party' they might as well call themselves the 'Peyote Mushroom Party'.

So as pitchforks rise in the hinterlands, a decent and sensible adult like Evan Bayh exits the stage, probably for his own sanity and self respect as for anything else. He leaves behind a Congress looking more and more like the Roman Senate of Caligula's reign, the one where the Emperor appointed a horse to fill a vacancy. Nobody said or did anything about it, except to wonder why lately there was so much more sh*t all over the place.

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WRITING ON THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU

Dear Readers,

This past Saturday, amidst all the breathless hype for Super Bowl 44, a version of the Teabag Party movement held a 'convention' at a hotel in Nashville. The Teabagggers are riding high at the moment, after a successful summer of tar-and-pitchfork rallies, rages and meeting-busting, followed by elections in New Jersey, Virginia and Massachusetts that they claimed as victories for themselves over the dark forces of state-sponsored 'socialism'. While the established parties look on with a bemused- but- nervous curiosity, the fact is that these people may have tapped into something that might eventually reconfigure the body politic. The demographic of this movement may have all the diversity of an Osmond family reunion, but it does seem to be fulfilling a perceived need, and providing a home for people who probably haven't actively participated in public issues - nay, perhaps have never even voted -in their lives.

The meeting's climax on Saturday night was the appearance of Sarah Palin, recently retired Governatrix of Alaska, flop GOP Vice-Presidential candidate and best selling author of a fictional romance book, Going Rouge. Palin, with characteristic, down-home, easy-to-understand, simple-minded rhetoric, delivered a speech to the restricted-country-club-looking crowd. With apparel, makeup, hairdo and shoes that must have easily eaten up most of the reported $100,000 appearance fee, our Sarah gave the teabags what they wanted - an aggressive, down-the-line recitation of the 'party's' manifesto, probably to avoid being lynched as much as agreeing with the intolerant organization's stated beliefs. Actual socialists could only dream of such unity that was evident in this crowd of rabid, anti- socialists.

There wasn't anything new about what Palin gassed on about, nor the predictable reaction from the Knotts-Berry-Farm-loving audience, but what was new was some crib notes our Sarah had written on her hand and was plainly picked up by the cameras as she spoke. I think this should not be interpreted in a negative way by progressives, but applauded, as she finally seems to be taking her role as president-in-waiting seriously. After all, she spent a few lines of her speech dissing President Obama for his extensive use of teleprompters (even when reading bedtime stories to his children, apparently), but avoided the pitfalls of extemporaneous remarks by giving her palm a quick peek every now and again to keep her train of thought on their rickety tracks.

My only question about the Tea Party Convention and it's associated entertainments is who's paying for all this? Even at $549 a plate for the Palin speech, the math doesn't quite work if our Sarah trousered a cool $100K for the blab. Could it be dark forces on the right, carefully planning their Manchurian Candidate for 2012? Sarah herself, is probably oblivious to the machinations going on behind the curtains, but at least somebody with advice-rights to our next President has opened up the possibilities of using one's skin as a place for cram notes. John McCain is probably kicking himself right now for not thinking of that back in 2008.

So, thanks to a sharpie and a dry palm, Sarah Palin remains the pinup gal stuck to the inside of the right-wing's gym locker. I didn't see the whole speech and Q and A with her, but has anybody commented on the possible symbolism that she kept referring to the notes on her left hand? Those were bad enough, but God only knows what she might have had scribbled on her right.

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BLUE JAY WAY

Dear Readers,

Does anybody really care who hosts The Tonight Show? Apparently, quite a lot of people do, as it took an earthquake of biblical proportions in Haiti to knock the story of Conan O'Brien's dis-fuelled rejection of any change to NBC's late-night lineup off of the front pages (or most of them, at least).

Just like the term 'front pages', The Tonight Show belongs to another era. A venerable late-night warhorse from the 1950's, the program has undergone several changes of hosts without changing very much. Even as the 21st century's appointee, Conan has not so much changed the format as he has revealed how worn-out it is. Sure, people still watch the 11 O'clock news and after the local 'fuzz-and-was' stories, sports (delivered by some crazed, caffeinated jock-brain) and the weather, quite a sizable audience still likes to round out their evening with some topical humor and show-biz bantering. When Conan took over, his perceived task was to put an edge-y-er type of humor on display for that audience, and also attract the lion's share of the coveted 18-30 age group, so important to advertisers. But the experiment was sputtering, constantly losing in the ratings to the 60-something (but still hipper) David Letterman, while the old incumbent, Jay Leno, was making a dog's dinner out of his 10 PM 'consolation prize' program. You know the rest - the cancelling of Jay at 10, the pushing of O'Brien's show to 12:05, Conan's refusal to be shifted, and his soon-to-be announced multi-million dollar severance pay as compensation for a job not-so-well done.

One supposes that now, Leno will return to The Tonight Show seat after a 7-month trek in the wilderness, and all will be well at NBC. Ironically, this switcheroo comes at a time when Conan's ratings are headed skyward, but will probably only prove to be akin to motorists slowing down to gawk at a traffic accident. Also ironic will be that Jay will come under pressure to maintain those numbers, as he drags the late-night format back into the 20th century, where it rightly belongs anyway.

As host of The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson regularly made the news, or at least the morning-after chat around the water cooler. Like a clever You Tube video, Carson's monologue went viral (before that word took on it's modern meaning) on a regular basis, and with no serious late-night competition for years, his was the act that America waited for after learning from the goofy weatherman how they should dress the kids the next day. For it's time, it was brilliant. Nowadays, The Tonight Show only makes news when it changes hosts -spontaneity and controversy is simply gone from the program. A future release of The Best Of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno would vie with Ironing Shirts with Bea Arthur for last place on the DVD sales charts.

While certainly a funny and intelligent guy, Conan O'Brien simply wasn't must-see TV (except for the next few weeks of tabloid-fodder-fed curiosity), either for a generation that still loves Johnny and Jay, or for the generation that drives, tweets, texts and surfs - all at the same time. It was just his bad luck to succeed to a throne that has all the rosy potential of the Romanov dynasty, circa 1917. Okay, let Jay work out the remainder of his contract at 11:35, but take some advice, NBC, after Leno goes (again) try and think of something else to do with a time slot who's formula has outlived it's usefulness.

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A BLOVIATED BREW-UP

Dear Readers,

Is it the Teabaggers, or The Tea Bag Party or is it called The Tea Party Party? But whatever it's called, it apparently hibernates over the winter and will almost surely return hungry (or is it thirsty?) when warmer weather comes.

I don't know who coined the term, or who's financing it or organizing it, but the chief beneficiaries (of what basically amounts to an anti- Obama movement) are the self-important, gas-bag barrage balloons of right wing talk radio. Taking their inspiration from the Boston Tea Party, a middle-of-the-night civil disobedience event back in 1763 (a fact very few of the participants could accurately cite), they've energized a mish-mash of neocons and grievance groups ranging from pro-lifers to the so-called 'birthers', or those who think President Obama is not a natural-born American citizen ("show us the certificate!"). And while many sensible people may write them off as witless cranks egged on by egomaniacal motormouths, the numbers may be growing and their influence may prevent a skittish congress from enacting any new progressive legislation in this election year.

Considering who promotes them and urges them on - regressive idiots like Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck - they shouldn't seem to be much of a threat. But their stable-mates in wrong-headed rabble-rousing, such as the pro-life and anti-gay groups, have had an outsize influence on the people who we elect to make (or in the case of gay marriage, fail to make) laws and create a more humane climate in this country. I'm all for free speech, and make no appeal to silence these Flintstone-brained yokels, but I have to wonder why they are so intent on telling people - who's right to an abortion or a civil ceremony would in no way affect their lives - how they should live. The Teabag Party (...whatever...) is a new wrinkle on this wing of the body politic, and by adapting the methods of the holier-than-thou veterans of those aforementioned 'wedge' issues, they may graduate from windbag-driven odd squads into a force to be reckoned with. I, for one, am not laughing.

The Republican Party (this is a history lesson for you youngsters) used to be dominated by big-money, no-nonsense capitalist commie-haters, and used to number among it's more prominent members somewhat open-minded social moderates such as Nelson Rockefeller. Although a conservative party to be sure, vituperation and fundamentalism were slightly outside their 'tent'. Today, the so-called 'big tent' theory has long been tossed out on the elephant dung pile. The GOP 'tent' today is a smallish one, filled to the big top with mean-minded circus freaks who yearn for an all-white, all-Christian USA - no matter what they say publicly. From this fulcrum sprang the anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-immigrant, anti big-government movements, and the high priests of the Republican Party remain at a safe distance from their foot soldiers, yet all the while, they're keeping eye contact, nodding and winking assent.

The Tea Baggers, manipulated by mean clowns like Hannity and Beck, took on the Health Care reform bill and fixed in the minds of a lot of people things like 'death panels' and free insurance for illegal immigrants ( like, Obama?). The resulting legislation, looking less like a shiny, new vehicle of change and more like a '73 Vega up on cinder blocks, is thisclose to becoming law, but may still yet fail, partially thanks to these calculated calumnies.

So as the days lengthen and the sun ratchets higher and higher in the sky, will we again see the twisted, angry faces of intolerance peeking out from under those ridiculous, teabag-festooned(what a senseless waste of tea!) hats? You betcha! Laugh at them if you will, but chuckle at your peril, I say. If the healthcare bill has become law, they will find any number of issues on which to inflict their righteous ways, you can be sure. (And Fox News will be right behind them.)

In 1763, I don't think there was such a thing as a teabag, but some people earned a living by peering into the dregs of a cup and casting predictions based on the arrangement of the used-up tea leaves. I've no talent in that direction, and I'll spare you the metaphor of trouble 'brewing', but I have a feeling it's going to be a banner year for the Lipton company.

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